I recently read a hitting-the-nail-on-the-head article by blogger, Bryana Johnson. The piece centers around underage dating. You know… kids who have been “seeing someone” (or many someones) since they were in middle school. I wanted to hit the like button a million+ times after reading this article, but sadly, I could only click it once.
I know that many parents try to sugar coat the whole issue with, “Oh, they aren’t really dating. Just hanging out”, but Johnson’s post bravely exposes the behemoth in the room that everyone sees, but chooses to ignore so their kids can be just like everyone else. I applaud Johnson for taking the risk of writing the article because her view is not a popular one.
I don’t know about you, but I am sick to death of these endless sad/frustrated/emotional Twitter tweets and Facebook posts from young people who–not even knowing what love truly is–go on and on about their newest relationship, or their past “Ex.” It seems to me like girls are in a big hurry to change their Facebook status to “In A Relationship.” They wear the status as a badge, like an “I’ve got one and you don’t” button to tease their peers with. Hey, I was in high school, too. I know how catty girls can get!
In order for their children to be like their classmates, many moms and dads seem to go along with everything their children do–to the point of encouraging them and applauding them on how smart/Christian/lovely/grown-up they are, ad nauseam. Seriously, parents, get a grip on yourselves! They are your kids, not short adults. It is almost to the point where I think these parents are reliving their childhood through their kids instead of preparing them for the onslaught of society and adult relationships. And yeah, I know all about peer pressure. We have all had to deal with it. That stuff never changes. But think about it… they have their whole lives to date. What’s the big hurry? To make it worse, many parents give their kids all the tools they need to cave in to the peer pressure. We set them up for failure. Having a rule that cell phones are turned off at 10PM is not going to kill your kids. They may not like it, but are you their friends or their parents? Making sure you meet their friends before they are allowed to take off with them is not legalism; it is good, sensible parenting. If we don’t meet their friends or parents, our sons don’t go with them. Period. Deciding who your child dates, if you permit this, is your choice. Yes, I said it. Until they turn 18, you do have the power to say no to a relationship.
Okay… pick your jaw up off the floor and read on.
I know kids will continue to test their limits. They may even use their friends to try to “override” your rules. But I encourage you to stand strong and acknowledge when your kid’s friends test your house rules. You might think that being a cool, permissive parent is fun now, but I can assure you that you are heading for Heartbreak Alley later on down the road. Kids don’t need any more friends; they need strong parents. Parents with boundaries and rules. They crave this. They want you to give them borders–though they’ll never admit it. One of the quotes from the article had me hooting out loud:
“Sadly, parents who should know better continue to display shocking naïveté regarding the absurd practices of driving their twelve-year olds out on a ‘date,’ or purchasing provocative clothing for their sixteen-year-olds, or sympathizing with their broken-hearted fourteen-year-olds by assuring them that they’ll ‘find someone better’. ‘They’re just having fun,’ they’ll tell us, rolling their eyes at what they consider to be our tightly wound principles. I work a volunteer shift at Crisis Pregnancy Clinic where I witness every week the ruined lives and broken dreams that ‘fun’ has left with our youth.”
Go ahead and roll your eyes. I am so used to it by now that I hardly notice it. Regardless, it is true. I’ve seen it with my own eyes and spoken with many parents who feel exactly the same way.
Raising your children biblically is not easy. Dwight and I have touched on this subject a few times in the past. Young people are constantly bombarded by what society tells them that they should do/like/have. Their peers don’t help, either. Sometimes I totally get why parents choose to home school their children: because the whole mess of pressurized society never enters the equation. But if your child is “shining his or her light” in a public school like our sons are, put your seatbelts on and get ready for a bumpy ride. Especially when it comes to this particular subject, because it is a touchy one indeed.
A huge thank you to my amazing husband for putting my stream-of-consciousness writing into something coherent! As you can tell, I am a little passionate on this subject, but I know I am not the only Christian parent who has been outraged and deeply saddened by what she has observed on social media, and in society as a whole. Being a young person is such a blessing. So why push our children to be something they aren’t? They’ll be adults soon enough.
“Children are not casual guests in our home. They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built.” – Dr. James Dobson
Rebecca
